


growing pains

by takakoyaki



Category: Korean Drama, 발칙하게 고고 | Sassy Go Go (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Multi, OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7461726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takakoyaki/pseuds/takakoyaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Hajoon learns how to let himself be happy, one step at a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	growing pains

**Author's Note:**

> i just rewatched this drama and i'm full of The OT3 Feels

 

At first, it’s a burden.

It feels like he’s already been through enough, already overcome so much that to do more seems unnecessary. But his doctors and teachers and the judge who punished his father all seem to think it’s important, so Hajoon doesn’t have a choice. He still doesn’t want to take any sort of therapy, but if he absolutely must in order to finish his last year of high school without any problems, and graduate with everyone else (with Yeol and with Yeondoo), he decided that art therapy classes sounded like the least threatening. At least this way, he won’t have to talk about his feelings.

His first class, the blank sheets of drawing paper and multitude of art supplies confound him. He’s never made something on his own before, and even with the direction of the teacher it’s hard to keep his hands from shaking, let alone complete a project.

It’s late when Hajoon returns to the dorms, and the others should be all sleeping. Hyosik and Dongjae are fast asleep, but when he opens the door to the boys’ room, Yeol is still up.

“Hajoon-ah. Is it that late? I didn’t even hear you come in.” He’s sitting on his bed reading, clearly waiting for him (and pretending he wasn’t). 

“Yeah, I’m back.” Hajoon lets a corner of his mouth turn up despite himself as he sheds his bag and jacket, shuffling into sweatpants as Yeol continues to pretend to read. 

“Did you make something in class today? Let me see it.” When looks up from his book with a smile, Hajoon merely shrugs.

“I didn’t like it, so I threw it away.”

“I see.” Yeol doesn’t seem outwardly disappointed, though his gaze pierces right through Hajoon. “When you make one you like, show me. You will, right?”

_ Make something to show Yeol _ . That goal resonates more solidly with Hajoon than the instructor’s talk of ‘self-expression’ or ‘inner emotions,’ so he focuses his mind on a new project. 

Two weeks later, he leaves the small finished sculpture on Yeol’s desk, next to his university entrance exam papers.

The next time the two of them are alone in the empty gym, Yeol reaches over and punches him in the arm despite smiling so wide his eyes go small and crinkly. “Yah, Seo Hajoon. I didn’t say you had to make it  _ for  _ me, just that I wanted to see it.”

Hajoon returns the grin, trying to go for cheesy but ending up feeling sheepish instead. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” Yeol sounds dead serious as he looks into Hajoon’s eyes again. He’s been his best friend for ages now, since before Hajoon can remember, and nothing  _ Hajoon  _ does seems to surprise Yeol anymore. But unfairly, Hajoon still finds himself taken aback by Yeol at times like this. “It’s supposed to be a miniature cheerleading formation, isn’t it?”

“Sort of. It’s… supposed to be abstract,” Hajoon admits, wondering how Yeol figured that out from the vaguely triangular ceramic shapes he stacked together to possibly resemble a cheerleading formation, but that’s what’s so terrible about Kim Yeol-- he acts like he knows everything, and he’s usually right. “You don’t have to lie if you don’t like it.”

Yeol shakes his head. “Looking at it gives me a lot of strength.”

_ Because it reminds you of her _ , Hajoon thinks, but swallows his words. Though it’s nothing compared to the turmoil of last year, part of Yeol still feels guilty over Hajoon’s lingering feelings. Yeol and Yeondoo’s relationship is the same as ever; it’s something of an ‘open secret’ to the club and probably most of the school, but it’s still not like they’re… entirely official. As third years, the group still visits the cheerleading clubroom frequently despite preparations for university replacing club activities. Aside from the less frequent death drills from Teacher Nam, hardly anything seems to have changed for Yeol, Yeondoo, or any of his friends since the end of their second year. 

It’s only for Hajoon that everything feels different.

  
  


\--

  
  


Their roommates don’t notice the sculpture at all, but it only takes a day or so for Yeondoo to notice.

“Seo Hajoon!”

He wants to pretend he didn’t hear her, but it’s Yeondoo. He stops in his tracks, not really budging when she runs up behind him and pushes him lightly. 

“Kang Yeondoo. What do you want?” Hajoon tries to sound as casual as possible as he turns around, but he can’t help but smile softly when he sees her face. Yeondoo is beaming brightly at him, her hands folded innocently behind her back. It really does feel like nothing’s changed between them either, not since the day he confessed, but he’s just glad they’re still friends.

“I saw the sculpture you made for Kim Yeol,” Yeondoo starts, feigning shyness despite her widening smile as she avoids direct eye contact with him. “If you end up making another one, do you think I could maybe pretty please have the next one?”

“I…” Hajoon trails off. Sometimes he wonders how she can act like this still, when she knows perfectly well how Yeol feels about her. How  _ he  _ feels about her.

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay! I just, well, really liked the one you made for him. And he wouldn’t stop talking about how you made it yourself.” Yeondoo stares at her feet. 

_ Don’t do it _ , the only rational part of Hajoon’s brain shouts at him.  _ Even if you do, she won’t love you back. You don’t even  _ want  _ her to love you back. _

“I’ll give it to you before we graduate,” he promises anyway, and it’s worth it just to see her smile again.

  
  


\--

  
  


It’s not Hajoon’s idea, of course. It’s never Hajoon’s idea.

Ideas are for people like Yeol, and like Yeondoo. Leaders in their own respect, naturally charismatic in opposite yet equally forceful ways. Hajoon has always been content to quietly support Yeol in most things, and now Yeondoo has him wrapped around her finger too. So really, he should know better than to stop and eavesdrop when he’s passing through the hall and overhears Yeondoo say his name.

“What’s this? I thought you didn’t want me  _ flirting  _ with Hajoon anymore.” Yeondoo sounds surprised, but not in a bad way, and Hajoon’s breath all but stops in his chest.

“That was then. I wasn’t even entirely sure if you liked me or not back then,” comes Yeol’s voice, sounding slightly exasperated. “And I certainly didn’t know about Hajoon’s feelings, though if I’d been thinking less of myself I’d have figured it out sooner.”

“Hey, Kim Yeol. You can’t blame yourself for that forever.” Yeondoo sounds exasperated back at him. “You’re his best friend, but you’re not a mind reader. And he knows you better than anyone too, so of course he hid it well.”

“I know. But Yeondoo, I…” Hajoon can hear the pain in Yeol’s voice, and it makes him pained too. “It’d be  _ normal  _ if I wanted you to stop being close with him. I don’t want that, but… I still… think I might be a little jealous.”

“Oh ho? So the great Kim Yeol, Mr. Number One in the school three years running, shoo in to Ivy Leagues and Seouldae alike, is still jealous?” Yeondoo crows, and Hajoon is about to turn and leave when Yeol speaks up again.

“Yes and no. I meant that-- when you’re close to him, I’m jealous of you, too.”

Hajoon doesn’t know what he means by that, only that it disturbs him on some visceral level. He doesn’t wait to hear the rest of it and escapes as quickly as humanly possible, vowing to himself that he never heard that conversation.

  
  


\--

 

A little while after their graduation ceremony has ended, Hajoon calls Yeondoo over to the now-empty gym. It feels a bit strange, that this is the last time he’ll be here as a student, but part of him is ready to move on as well.

“What’s up?” Yeondoo’s smile is as bright and perky as ever, and maybe it’s just Hajoon’s imagination but her face looks somewhat more mature than when they were second years. Her hair is longer now, and when she steps into the dim glow of the overhead lights she looks more radiant than the full moon.

“I promised I would give it to you before graduation, but I figured now works fine too,” Hajoon mumbles as he reaches into his pocket. “Give me your hand.”

“Ooh! Is it my sculpture?” Yeondoo rushes closer to him and holds out her hands, so excitedly that Hajoon starts to feel self-conscious about his gift. “I can’t wait!”

“Don’t get your hopes up.” What Hajoon drops into her hands is a charm bracelet, made from beads of painted glass. “I-It’s just a small thing.”

“It’s so pretty! You painted it yourself? And made it yourself? That’s so amazing, Hajoonie!” Yeondoo slips the bracelet on her wrist immediately and admires it in the light, a wide grin splitting her entire face. 

“What’s the big smile for? It’s nothing special.” Hajoon shuffles around nervously. Yeondoo turns around to face him, hesitating only a moment before throwing her arms around him with all her might. It’s the first time they’ve touched each other like this since the night Hajoon ran after her, that night last year. 

“Tell me honestly, Seo Hajoon,” she says after a moment. Hajoon can’t see her face, but he wonders if she can hear his heart thumping wildly against his chest as she hugs him. “Do you--well, do you still... have feelings for me?”

For some absurd reason, the first thing that leaps to Hajoon’s mind is the overheard conversation between Yeol and Yeondoo, a while back. He’d tried so hard to forget about it, too… he hesitates for a long time, unsure if he should return Yeondoo’s embrace. Because the next thing he thinks about is Yeol, how happy he was when he was first falling in love with her. The pain in his eyes when they talked in the gym that one night… and how happy he is now. Still, he can’t bring himself to deny the truth either, not again. He closes his eyes. “Yeah, I do.”

At this, Yeondoo laughs softly, and Hajoon feels his face heat up belatedly. He knows it’s pathetic of him to still like her after all this time, that she might even get married to Yeol eventually, but she doesn’t have to  _ laugh _ . “What’s so funny now?” he demands, a tinge sharper than he intended, but Yeondoo doesn’t seem to pay it any mind.

“I’m just happy. I’m happy we went to the same high school and ended up in the same cheerleading club, even if things were crazy for a while. I’m… um, happy you like me, too. I can’t really explain it,” she says, slightly muffled into the front of Hajoon’s blazer. “But it just feels right, you know?”

Hajoon doesn’t know, but Yeondoo smiles anyway. Then she pulls him down to kiss the corner of his mouth, and Hajoon has no idea how to react. Yeondoo looks surprised by her own actions as well, though she doesn’t seem particularly sorry.

“Why… did you do that? Do you pity me that much?” His voice comes out cracked and scratchy, his throat dry. He doesn’t want to sound so pathetic, but it’s too much-- too much that she should feel that sorry for him. Maybe, he thinks, maybe everything, even those first small kindnesses, it could’ve been all because she felt sorry for him, being abused and unloved all his life…

“I… I don’t really know.” Yeondoo shakes her head, and when she looks Hajoon in the eye her face is serious. “But I never pitied you, Seo Hajoon. I worried-- I still worry, but I don’t pity you.”

“Even if that’s true, you know I’ll have to be honest with Yeol.” Hajoon shakes his head.

“That’s why I’ll tell him, and apologize. It was all my actions, not yours,” Yeondoo insists, stubborn as usual. Then, she peers up at him. “I’m sorry to you, too. You’re not upset with me, right?”

“No, I’m not.” Hajoon lets out a long sigh. And he’s really not upset at her specifically, but there’s definitely a general sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’d be better to be alone for a bit, so he heads out of the gym before anyone else shows up. 

Kang Yeondoo. What is he going to do with her?

 

\--

 

When Yeol invites Hajoon to stay with him and his father in the interim between graduation and college, he doesn’t decline. Though Yeol’s father owns an extremely expensive condo, it only has two bedrooms, so he ends up having to share a room with Yeol, and despite Hajoon’s protests Yeol orders all the extra furniture himself. But it’s a large enough room for two beds, and they’re both used to sharing after three years of the dorms anyway. Yeol hides his feelings well for the most part, but they spend the majority of the couple of days they have to move all their things out of the dorms together; Hajoon can tell the entire time that Yeol is somehow anxious about everything, despite constant reassurance that everything is more than fine.

“What do you think? Is there enough room?” he asks Hajoon yet again when they’re alone in their room, unopened suitcases and boxes still piled up around their respective beds. 

“It’s great, Yeol-ah. I told you, don’t worry so much.” Hajoon half-smiles, but doesn’t move from his place on the bed. 

“Still, I want it to feel like home. It never did for me until recently,” Yeol explains as he navigates around the boxes and comes over to sit on Hajoon’s bed with him, and when he looks at Hajoon’s face he finally realizes something’s wrong.

“What happened? Is it your parents?” 

Hajoon can hear the familiar, fierce protectiveness in his voice, tinged with a different kind of steel than it was when he was still under his father’s control. It strikes something in him, and he decides to just tell the truth. He’s been mostly avoiding Yeondoo since graduation, so he doesn’t know for certain if Yeondoo already told him about what happened, but Yeol deserves to hear it from him either way.. He shakes his head.

“No, nothing like that. After graduation, Kang Yeondoo… kissed me.” Hajoon admits; carefully avoiding looking at Yeol until he’s finished talking. “It’s my fault… at the end of last year, I told her I liked her. And then, she told me again that she was happy that I did.”

He waits, glancing over to watch for Yeol’s reaction, but Yeol only smirks knowingly and looks into the distance. “Ahh… she did tell me something happened with you, and I figured it was something like that. I told her that whatever happened wouldn’t change anything between us, though.”

“You figured?” Hajoon frowns, suddenly self-conscious. “Did you know she’d do that...?”

“Not exactly… I’ve been thinking on my own for a long time. I still like Kang Yeondoo, I like her more every day I spend with her, but I meant it when I said I didn’t want to lose you,” Yeol confesses, knitting his eyebrows as he looks at the floor, the tiny space between them. “Just like when the principal threatened you. I was scared, and didn’t know how to hold onto you. I went round and round in circles for a long time, and then…”

“And then?” Hajoon’s confusion starts to transmute into frustration. “Yah, just tell me what’s going on already.”

Yeol is quiet in that way he only gets when he’s very deep in thought. Hajoon can practically see the gears turning in that gifted mind of his, and it makes a weird feeling tangle itself inside of him, affectionate but also achingly sad for a reason he can’t explain. 

“Maybe it’s better if I just ask you,” he says finally, shifting around and coming face to face with Hajoon. His eyes are clear and bright, shining with all the confidence and intelligence that drew Hajoon to his side in the first place, even as kids. “Can I try something?”

Hajoon officially has no idea what’s going on anymore, but he knows there’s no stopping Yeol when he’s like this. He nods. “Okay.”

Yeol closes his eyes and leans over to kiss him, the softness of his lips pressing against Hajoon’s mouth for only the briefest of moments before he pulls back again. His expression is just as intense as before, but Hajoon finally sees the deeper meaning behind it. The reason that Yeol had been with him all along, the thing that made his voice crack with emotion every time he thought he’d lose Hajoon, or even the weird bubbly sensation that Hajoon definitely felt too, that time he and Yeol played around in the dorm’s shower… but that he’d never let himself seriously consider.

“I-I…” Hajoon tries to find the words he wants to say and fails miserably. His hand reaches up involuntarily and rests gently on the side of Yeol’s face. “Yeol-ah…”

“I... once heard my father say that he wasn’t really human until he met Yeondoo’s mother,” Yeol murmurs softly, covering Hajoon’s hand with his. “I thought Yeondoo was like that for me too… but it wasn’t exactly the same. Even when I was at my worst, there was always--this little part of me that was still human. Because of you, Hajoon-ah, because I couldn’t bear to lose you. I… I still can’t, you know that.”

His eyes are twinkling with unknown light as he gazes deeply into Hajoon’s, that steady gaze that hadn’t changed at all since they were kids. Hajoon feels his chest constrict, countless thoughts welling up inside of him.  _ I only survived because you held onto me. All those years, I couldn’t really end my life because every time I tried, I’d see your face, and hear your voice... And through everything you gave me, every time you protected me, all I did was hurt and betray you. Do you know how that makes me feel...? _

He wants to scream them all at Yeol, to be furious with him for easily voicing the emotions Hajoon kept so carefully buried, but he can’t. “This is crazy. You crazy punk,” Hajoon whispers instead, but despite his confusion and vague terror at this turn of events, he’s… relieved, somehow. “Both of you are completely crazy.”

“Maybe we are.” Yeol laughs, seemingly unconcerned. “The truth is… once we started dating, I told her a lot of stories about the two of us. And then the sculpture thing… I know she still likes me, but I’ve always felt that part of her liked you too, and maybe she just couldn’t help it anymore.”

“You’d have to ask Kang Yeondoo to find out.” Hajoon knows it’s doubtful that Yeondoo likes both of them at once, but for some reason he doesn’t want to discount the possibility. At the mention of 'the sculplture thing' he feels his ears burn red, somehow becoming retroactively embarrassed about giving it to Yeol. “I… I gave you that sculpture because thought it would remind you of her.” 

“It reminds me of us. The team. The three of us.” Yeol leans in to kiss him again, and Hajoon breathes out, closes his eyes and kisses him back. It feels right, somehow, even though Hajoon would have never considered kissing another boy before now. That’s just not really what it feels like, not when it’s him. His best friend, his partner, who he knows so well and so intimately and who’s always been like a part of him, a piece of his heart. It feels almost  _ too  _ natural, Yeol’s lips against his and Yeol’s hands on his shoulders, caressing him gently, and it’s only now that Hajoon realizes it’s how Yeol has touched him all along. 

“I’ve decided,” Yeol announces after they finally break apart. His hand runs gently up and down Hajoon’s arm, and though the casual touch would normally be strange to Hajoon he doesn’t mind, because it’s Yeol. “If you want it, and if Kang Yeondoo wants it, I… I also want it to be all three of us, together, somehow. It’ll be hard, and I know you deserve to have a normal relationship--”

“Yah. Since when has anything about my life ever been normal?” Hajoon cuts him off, then smirks slightly as he glances to the side. “Though, both of you are troublesome enough on your own. I don’t see what’s so great about having both of you.”

“True, we’re both bad news. But you’ll at least consider it, won’t you?” Yeol grins widely, and Hajoon can’t help but return it a little. 

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“Who knows, there’s always a chance you could change your mind. But I think you’ll make the decision I hope you will.” Yeol’s grin becomes smug again, and something about it makes Hajoon want to kiss him again, so he does.

Kim Yeol is rarely wrong, but this time he is. From the very beginning, there was never a chance that Hajoon would ever want to change his mind.

 


End file.
